We had another doctor's appointment today. She said I'm about 90% effaced and she'd be really surprised if we end up needing to keep the appointment we have scheduled for next Tuesday. That's great news for Annie (my mom's version of the title "Grandma") who will arrive on Saturday. She'll be here for a week, and I'd hate for her to have to leave before her granddaughter's arrival. Fingers and toes crossed.
Kelly and I agree that the closer it gets to actually having this baby, the less real it seems. We just can't wrap our heads around it. We've got all our ducks in a somewhat tidy little row. There are signs throughout our home that it will soon be housing an infant, but we just can't fathom what having that infant around will actually be like. All we know is that our lives will change forever, and to tell you the truth, that's pretty unnerving.
You see, it turns out I really like my life right now, just the way it is. I really like my relationship with Kelly right now, just the way it is. And by "really like" I mean "completely love." I won't go into sappy details, but just know that the past several months have been pretty darn happy...one of those peaceful times between the storms.
That's the way things always seem to get when I approach a new and crucial developmental stage of life. I loved my life and didn't want it to change right before I went off to college, before I went on a mission, before I got married. All of those were events I hoped for and looked forward to, just like having this baby. And they all altered my life dramatically and permanently, just like having this baby will.
Though I wouldn't give them up for the world, I also know that all of those life events required major adjustments on my part that weren't always pretty. Sometimes they were downright painful. The rewards have been proportional to the pain, and that is why I am equally excited as I am scared out of my wits about having this baby. Each day now is a bizarre mix of eagerly anticipating contractions, but at the same time secretly hoping for one more day to enjoy life as I know it. Sounds a little schizophrenic, I know, but I have a good excuse: I actually AM two people in one! For now...
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What the devil are you doing up at 2 am?!! I had my little phone at my side the whole time at my parents because of small Lauren. Maybe today is the day to do some Tae bo? Jump rope? We could do some good ol' double dutch jump rope if you'd like...!
90%? Alright! In my experience, effacement is the hard part. Dilation can happen in a jiffy. Sounds like you are getting close! I have good news about this life transition. It will be different from your other ones because you will be too busy and exhausted to think about it. You won't have time to contemplate the difference and if you happen to feel sad you can just blame it on the baby blues and assume it will eventually go away on it's own. See, all good news! I'll be on the edge of my seat awaiting news about Lauren's arrival!!!
I am so excited!!!! You guys are so cute!
what the heck?! i swear you have friends who do nothing but monitor your blog! one of my new life goals is to be the first to comment on one of your posts.
also. what happens to that little fetal development widget in two days... If I check back on Friday will it actually show a birth?? I hope.
It will definitely be a big change, but that's why there are babysitters on occasion! :) Not that you need advice, but I'll tell you mine anyway! :) Don't hesitate to ask for help...I was so glad I did...I so enjoyed our visits! :) Also, never feel guilty for leaving your kid with a babysitter to have some time away with Kelly to keep that relationship wonderful!
I can totally relate to how you're feeling. The funny thing is, though, a little bit after Lauren is born you and Kelly will find yourselves saying "Can you even image life without her? Doesn't it seem like she's always been a part of our family?" They wiggle themselves snugly into your lives quicker than you can imagine and it seems like life was always that way.
What a beautifully written post ...seriously!
I can't believe you are already 90% effaced. That truly is the hard part. Once I was effaced, all 3 of my labors went pretty quickly.
I can't wait to meet little Lauren.
And don't you worry, you might now want to hurry this life change along (in fact, really enjoy these next few days if you even have a few days ... do something special, maybe get a pedicure?), but once she is here, you won't be able to imagine life without her!
Don't forget to use all the help you can get and to rest when she does!
it is a weird thing and this mothering thing has grown on me. while you love them right when they come out i have found that you love them more and more each day you have them. even though you aren't really happy when it's 3 in the morning and they have been fussing for the last three hours. but then the morning comes and they are adorable all over again. i am excited for laren to come and just know that she doesn't stand a chance with carter's good looks. one look is all she will need. which is great because this arranged marriage is going to have to take place long distance. he does have a great blud steele look i have not yet been able to capture on camera. but when i do you will be the first to know :) love ya and good luck
Such a wise and introspective lady you are. It can be scary waiting for you life to change so drastically all in a matter of hours. But here is my experience: during the first few weeks I did mourn the loss of my past life. I couldn't imagine how my life would ever get back to normal, how I would ever be able to even go out in public again. But then it just gets easier and you start doing "normal" things (like shower AND shave your legs) one by one until your life seems just like it was before but with one more little buddy added to the mix. Eva is so easy right now I hardly feel like I do much for her at all. Maybe I'm just used to it. I tell you this not to scare you but just let you know that if you feel like your life has ended that first few weeks just take a step back, plant your hiney on the couch with a pile of movies and don't try to do a darn thing but hold that baby. You are going to love your new life, you really will.
I think that little piece o' heaven will be born on my b-day. Yep, I'm betting on Saturday!
You are so clever :) Baby Lauren will be here before you know it, and life will be hard to adjust to.. but I'm sure you will love being a mother more than you ever imagined!! :)
Did you buy my plane ticket to Seattle yet?? hehehe
You are going to be such a great mom. It takes a pretty insightful woman to recognize the changes in your life, how they come about in the best and worst of times. That is the kind of woman that makes a good mother, someone secure with who she is, yet ready to expect and embrace the changes ahead.
Let us know if we can help out in any way...dan makes a pretty mean meal and would love to share it with you!
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